blog

Primarily a Blog to share Cris’ journal of her experiences in her recent MS diagnosis

listen to advice but follow your heart

Posted by on Sep 29, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

listen to advice but follow your heart

It has been some eye-opening, even more importantly, heart opening journey since I got the MS diagnosis last year. ups and downs but always moving forward in one way or another. Theres a barrage of information out there sometime too much. I’ve found myself ingesting as much information as I possibly could to educate and empower myself only to find myself immensely overwhelmed and having to wonder if nobody really knows anything and theres nothing but opinions, millions of uneducated or sometimes worse half educated opinions represented as facts. Im sure theres much legitimate...

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drug lobster

Posted by on Sep 28, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

drug lobster

Doc says Im having an ms “relapse”. (fumbly hands) lost most use of hands again drop things when try to carry them. Keith calls this the “dropsies”…stiff legs, left leg burning and extremely weak, can’t walk on it…electrocuting feeling down my neck and spine, lots of pain… too many things to list. the neurologist wants me to go to the ER so they’ll admit me into the hospital and pump me with steroids. I really dont want to do that. I think that was mostly what I was detoxing (and thousands $$$ of hospital bills w/ no insurance =...

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I’m sorry

Posted by on Sep 15, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

I absolutely hate hate hate writing or thinking negative. I certainly dont want to bring anyone I know and love down. I dont want to make my dear family and  friends worry. I want to say I am doing so much better. I can’t say this. Everything is motivated by pain the last few weeks. Unbearable excrutiating unrelenting… I spend most the days and nights praying for relief. I try to sleep to sleep through the pain, I try to exercise or move to work out the pain, I watch television or do puzzles to try to take my mind off the pain. I meditate to release pain.  I reluctantly eat so I...

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3 steps forward two steps back

Posted by on Aug 16, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

3 steps forward two steps back

3 steps forward two steps back….that still means I’m moving forward though! I’m watching what I eat….well drink (juicing).  I’m doing daily meditations, stretching, exercising.  I’m being diligent to be impeccable with my words (Inside and out!).  I’m painting or drawing…almost every day.  I do cognitive exercises (puzzles and games). Keith and I are anxious to leave Tucson but have yet to find a destination. We are looking at Oregon or Washington for the climate the healthy environment and the cost of living. Keith is currently looking for...

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Juicing

Posted by on Aug 6, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

Juicing

So I finished the raw cleanse and began the juice week. Ive decided to extend the juice week for up to 6 weeks. beyond that your supposed to have doctors monitoring you. I would love to sayI feel so much better but alas no. I think it will take time. Its so much work to clean and prepare the foods. Im having 6 juices a day so its a workout.  I think this week I will begin incorporating solid foods into the diet. too raw, no gluten or dairy etc.  

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cleanse

Posted by on Jul 21, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

cleanse

I’ve begun a raw food cleanse. two weeks of raw foods only and the third week of juice only.  Shown in the picture is on the left: miso, avocado, carrot, beets, sprouts  and on the right:  apple blueberry spinach w/ medjool dates. I cant say I feel any different. Maybe next week.  It is weird not cooking and it sure is a lot more work to wash and prepare.  I’m sure things must be happier in my insides.  I hope so.    

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phew

Posted by on Jul 7, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

phew

I feel like Im on the cusp of a new beginning.  Thank God this chapter is nearing it’s end. I heard from Social Security Disability that I have been “awarded” benefits. Its weird, the term awarded used in this sense. Like I won an Olympic event. I hope I can now get physical therapy and some of the help I’ve needed for this past year.  Then get to a point where I wont need social security etc.  Keith and I still plan to move North. We’re looking at the weather and conditions of Oregon and Washington.  Keith is certain he can get a job similar to the one here...

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Functional Doctor

Posted by on Jun 17, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

Functional Doctor

The Tucson temperature is beating myself and Keith pretty hard.  Over 100 degrees every day. Its been 112 & up this week alone. Keith working on rooftops and were barely keeping utilities from being shut off. Heroic at the least. My body is not responding well. New pains and weirdness.  Im unsure whats happening to my body. My neurologist is begging me to begin a new drug. a pill form of MS treatment call Tecfidera. My Gallbladder and Liver are in dire condition from the Rebif injections and infusions and various other Pharma’s…I’m doing a Gallbladder/Liver cleanse of...

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Zombie Lollipop

Posted by on May 5, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

Zombie Lollipop

“The running water will not stink,  the engines that are constantly used will not rust” I’m beginning my Tai Chi program today. I will do the Tao Chi practice 1-2x a day.  This should bring all my work together. The diet , the meditation, the exercise. Every morning I have been drinking a juice. Today, I had Kale, spinach, green apple, carrots and cilantro. It was really yummy! Every afternoon I have a smoothie. For example, Dandelion Greens, Beets, blueberries, Kale, flax seed.  Every evening I have a small solid meal. (I think of this as reward for my good behavior)...

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The magnificent human body

Posted by on Apr 21, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

The magnificent human body

I have learned so much in the last year it is just remarkable. I have such gratitude for the experience and grace that has come from it. Each day I grow stronger and wiser. I am so impressed with the magnificence of the human body. Today I learned a little about cells. I read an article by a biochemist who studies cellular disease  and discovered how important “letting go” is to the physical state of the cell.  When describing the seemingly indestructible cancer cells as cells that refuse to grow or move…by the person “letting go” they literally let go over...

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love to live

Posted by on Apr 18, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

love to live

Words have often eluded me…this is why I paint….a blog, not so easy for me as smearing blue across a canvas. I am in wonder today at the magic of life. Many things, that is, human experiences can be found in the expression of art. movies, books, music, dance…we can find comfort in these things. A moment of warmth. The most important things you just cannot find in books, movies, art… cliche’s of all kinds rain from the sky just thinking about it. we always try to express this. It’s lovely. But the closest we can come is only a whisper. Joseph Campbell...

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Knowing Fear

Posted by on Apr 11, 2013 in blog | 4 comments

Knowing Fear

It’s a day at a time. That may never change. But, Im ok with that. What else is there?  dreams, hopes, fears, worries, nothing really…. Did you ever get the feeling that sometimes life beats you on the head until you can do nothing but surrender? Fear is a funny one. I had an experience many years ago where my red eye flight from buffalo to san antonio was almost hit by a russian satellite reentering the atmosphere. (no, really.)  The pilot thought it was a meteor. The handful of people on the flight (including me) thought we were dead.  Ironically, I was reading a chapter in...

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Gratitude

Posted by on Apr 7, 2013 in blog | 4 comments

Gratitude

While back east in “boot camp” I intended to write every day or other day but oops. nope. Seems every minute of my days these last few weeks have been filled with discovering, healing, practicing, and grasping. Any moments found in-between were used for processing. Now that I am home, I have a great clarity of the months lessons… as well as a greater understanding of everything I need to do and why. So incredible to go home.  The best way to describe the transformation I feel is to say that everything has just clicked. Physically and emotionally the treatments my sister did...

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Falling Down

Posted by on Mar 15, 2013 in blog | 3 comments

Falling Down

Humility is something I have been learning this year in leaps and bounds. no pun intended (as most of these lessons occurred when I was on the floor after falling down) The first few months of my MS caused me to lose complete use of my hands and made my legs wobbly. “Foot drop” where my left foot doesn’t lift when I walk and I fall. (I was falling 3 times a day even walking slow. My whole body off balance and made even grooming myself nearly impossible.  So yep I swallowed that pride and a few times spit it back up. That was 1 year ago. It’s been two weeks at my...

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BOOT CAMP

Posted by on Mar 9, 2013 in blog | 5 comments

BOOT CAMP

Firstly I’d like to say, I really didn’t think anybody read this.I’ve had a bunch of people say they not only read it, they like it. So I ask this of you. If you’re reading this, let me know. (comment.) just a “eh hem” or cough…so I know Im not alone in the room. 🙂   BOOT CAMP: I’m in DE-TOX. super intense deep detox. Its the 10th day of 30 days at my sister Laura’s. She’s an Iridologist/Naturopath. Brilliant she is. Her and her husband have graciously welcomed me in their home. Looks like I might not need chelation therapy....

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Chelation time

Posted by on Feb 4, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

IV Chelation is the best way to get heavy metals out of the body. I found a man in Cheektowaga, NY (near where I’ll be staying for a month of healing). They charge $150 per visit and you need between 10-30 visits to make a difference. Even one visit is out of my monetary possibility at the moment. I sent him all the artwork images I have for sale on this website. He agreed to look through them to see if theres anything he likes for a trade.  My fingers and toes are crossed. This will be a great leap in the right direction. They seem very caring so I hope Dr. Barnes likes some of my...

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Phew!

Posted by on Feb 3, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

I’ve dropped out of the clinical trial. They just dont seem to have my best interests in mind. They were nice for me just being DATA but they just threw too many drugs at me and most of them I just could not afford. The injections and infusions are over and done. I do need to go mid February for one last exit visit. from 8am-6pm. Testing cognition, blood, mri’s, walking, balance, you name it…I think I gave the Western Medicines a fair try. as for the meds….weened off the ones needing weening. I had my 9 hour infusion and the next day read an article that the drug...

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Phooey

Posted by on Jan 22, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

The last few weeks I had some heavy medical treatment– infusions this last 2 weeks and its wrecked me. I’ve decided phooey with the doctors and their ridiculous expensive medicines that do nothing but cause trouble. So I’m dropping out of the clinical trial and going hard core health. Foods, Body, Meditation, etc. (some meds if they’re ok to a degree…maybe. but PHOOEY to “doctors” and their bad habits. I’m weening off all the meds they had me on. Ridiculously bad behavior these doctors have. Something doesn’t work so theyincrease the...

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Prescription blues

Posted by on Jan 13, 2013 in blog | 0 comments

Feeling down and out.  Thinking too much I suppose. Feeling a bit like a guinea pig. The neurologists finally let me off almost all the meds that weren’t working and causing horrible side effects. I still don’t know exactly what they gain by insisting on these things. It’s puzzling. The neurologists put me on one new drug to see if it would relieve the burning in my hands. It seems to have begun to work but its side effect is my heart rate has been between 140 – 165. Thats really not good. So they want to give me something to slow the heart rate…whatever side effects...

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Possibility?

Posted by on Dec 27, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

CCSVI or the Gamboni (guy that discovered it) Procedure is giving me hope! There’s some controversy now because lots of doctors who aren’t good are doing it and screwing it up. Back when I was at the record company in LA (’95-’96) I had my first symptoms of MS. I had blue cross 100% great insurance and had 10+ MRI’s tons of tests, saw every kind of doctor and they all agreed on 1 thing . Not enough blood was getting to my brain. The surgery opens up the veins so enough blood will get to the brain. (thats why I think it’ll work) Incidentally. blue cross...

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A Global Friendship

Posted by on Dec 22, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

http://www.aglobalfriendship.org/agf/ A Global Friendship donated their hand crafted bracelets to CrisCare to help raise money for my MS treatment. Back when I was well I helped the non profit organization to raise money and sell these bracelets to bring clean water to impoverished nations. Now, A Global Friendship has spread their generosity to assist many in need. The bracelets are for sale on my ETSY site...

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moving forward

Posted by on Dec 16, 2012 in blog | 1 comment

I have given my social security benefits claim to a group called Allsups. Recommended by The MS Society.  I just couldnt handle the mountains of paperwork and red tape. After my Allsups interview I have a better grasp of whats happening. They said the baby boom generation is coming to age and causing the Social Security benefits to fall way behind because they are so understaffed.  Claims that would be processed quick are taking 2 years. They said I qualify in every way I am just not a priority because I am young. Because I will not be dropping dead anytime soon there is no rush…maybe...

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Robot Mitten hands

Posted by on Oct 18, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

Robot Mitten hands

I’ve been wearing Keiths robot pajama bottoms and comparing my hands to robots.  It makes me feel not so bad about it. Robots=Good

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Critters

Posted by on Sep 28, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

Critters

Finished my Critter series. Seven critters in oil on board and they make me smile. I had improved physically quite a bit. For the last few weeks it seemed my hands were regaining their capabilities. I could cut and eat food even! But the last two days they have just lost much. I don’t know if thats 1 step forward three steps back or three steps forward one step back. I must confess my friends were in town and I stopped my healthy routine, threw caution to the wind, as it were.  Perhaps my routine was holding me together a lot more than I was giving it credit. Working on the Art most of...

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Lesions

Posted by on Sep 26, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

I just got off the phone with the Neurologist.  She told me in detail where and whats happening in my brain and spine.  The first person to tell me on these 7 months and I had to ask 7 times.  Why is it so hard to get information about yourself from a doctor? So., I have many lesions on my brain (a mess of them as it were… A lesion is any abnormality in the tissue of an organism (in layman’s terms, “damage”), usually caused by disease or trauma. Lesion is derived from the Latin word laesio which means injury. On my brain I have what’s called Dawsons...

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Art and the belittlement of Social Security

Posted by on Sep 18, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

So much seems to be happening and yet nothing at at all.  I finished my first series of paintings since the MS struck its mighty blow at my hands and head.  Surprisingly to me they are very serene and quiet. I thought I had much rage and confusion that the emotions would pour out into a violent slab of outrage on canvas. I saw deep splashes and depths. That gives you a little insight into the artistic process, at least for me. I could imagine a whole bunch of wonderful things I’m going to create and then once I approach that blank canvas what comes out is of its own accord.  A lot...

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ego and art

Posted by on Sep 9, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

ego and art

I woke up this morning as if I’d woken from a decade of sleep.  I feel new.  I couldn’t wait to paint. Even with its restrictions.  I have always said that if I don’t paint I get sick and to a degree it has always been true. I know the last 5 years I have not painted my fair share…but MS?  Some people may call it a hobby, others a meditation or divination.  All I know is it makes me feel good. I have always considered the act of creation far more important than the creation itself. Many times I’ve discarded the work upon completion.Rarely showing anyone what...

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First time painting again, Sept. 7th, 2012

Posted by on Sep 8, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

First time painting again, Sept. 7th, 2012

It was difficult walking up to the plate. My hands have been improving incrementally. But nowhere near normal.  Can barely hold anything and dropping things more than holding them. My procrastination has led me to a clean house and a very nice nest to paint in.  I rearranged things for weeks before entering with my wobbly self. Took me hours to sit down and actually begin to open tubes of paint….then of course I noticed how the brushes weren’t according to size and paints not according to colors…Finally when it did come to actually putting paint to canvas…it was a...

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affording DRUGS

Posted by on Aug 24, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

affording DRUGS

The Clinical Trial I am in is wonderful because I have the top MS Research doctors at my fingertips and they have a close eye on me. Monitoring my progression, testing my cognitive awareness, king regular MRI’s and EKG’s etc. Not to mention the Free Drugs…a placebo and/or a nice good (very expensive) treatment for MS Rebif/Ocrelizamab…Rebif estimated $250 a syringe, no street value for the other. What they can’t do is provide insurance. If they don’t have a sample of medication donated to them, then all the can do is prescribe it. In this case my problem is...

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My Simple Daily Routine

Posted by on Aug 24, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

My Simple Daily Routine

Daily Routine since the MS diagnosis: 7AM– wake up, take prescription drug Gabapentin. (4 pills 3x a day) 7:30AM – Exercise. for at least 1 hour do Yamuna body rolling. (its an amazing exercise using a small ball. It’s a deep massage, yoga and a chiropractor all in one exercise.) Massage is highly recommended for MS and currently not an option financially for me so this exercise is perfect. (plus I think I’ve grown an inch or two since doing it!) http://yamunabodyrolling.com/ 9AM – Blend a Green Smoothie. It varies every day. I read somewhere that it is not good...

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