ego and art

Posted by on Sep 9, 2012 in blog | 0 comments

ego and art

I woke up this morning as if I’d woken from a decade of sleep.  I feel new.  I couldn’t wait to paint. Even with its restrictions.  I have always said that if I don’t paint I get sick and to a degree it has always been true. I know the last 5 years I have not painted my fair share…but MS?  Some people may call it a hobby, others a meditation or divination.  All I know is it makes me feel good. I have always considered the act of creation far more important than the creation itself. Many times I’ve discarded the work upon completion.Rarely showing anyone what I made.

That is until in Brighton England in a small pub I casually offered up my small trophy of wisdom to a local and he let me have it.  He told me how selfish to take a gift from God and horde it.  What a crime to hide your talent from those who could be deeply impacted by it. What a world we’d live in if everyone shared my belief! There’d be no architecture, literature, sculpture, theatre….   I had always thought just the opposite to be true.  He said even if I didn’t like it, who was I to judge…it could still influence a greater work of art.  Who knew?!

It was so important to me to create, that I never wanted the ego to get in the way. I was offered scholarships and bonuses for some great schools and refused because I didn’t want to create for fashion or design. I didn’t want to resent or trivialize the one thing I loved…not just more than life itself but because for me it was life itself.

Seems ego always creeps in somehow…Years ago I imagined a chair and told the ego “not now! sit down.” Today, when I painted I treated it like a leaf falling from a tree and drifting down a river.  Each time a thought popped up it fell and I saw it and let it go.  It was ok to have that thought…just not to hold onto it….more calm, understanding, peaceful.

I feel good today and I know it’s because I painted.  I still have pain and my hands are funny from the MS but I don’t mind it as much today….and heck when its dry I may even share it with the world!